What Are Your Favorite Movie Snacks?

What Are Your Favorite Movie Snacks? I'd love to know. Send all comments and answers to:
Freds.NoMoreStinkyMonkeys@gmail.com

For a very funny story on the same topic:
Stephen King's guide to movie snacks Stephen King: The Pop of King News + Notes Entertainment Weekly 1


When I go to the movies, I used to try and avoid buying snacks, because they are outrageously expensive, but then I had a change of heart a few years ago. I found out that movie theatres only make a small fraction, like 10% of the ticket price on a new movie. If it keeps the movie there for several weeks, the percentage rises in their favor. I remember Home Alone would play at a theatre for like 4 months and I'd wonder why. Because by that point every cent of the ticket goes in the theatre owner's pocket.

Now there is no doubt I love the movie theatre experience. I'm not really interested in making a home theatre for myself, because it would be a waste of money. No video system, no matter how special could ever truly replace the feeling I get when I see a new spectacular, on opening weekend. The energy in the crowd, the total immersion in the experience helped by the surrounding darkness and hushed quiet. I have yet to see the TV screen that can challenge a 50+ foot wide screen at a theatre. Well since I love the theatre and want to keep as many open near me as possible, doesn't it make sense to support them? When I was younger and poorer I'd sneak food and drink in, or just not eat at all. But to me part of the fun and anticipation is the waiting on line at the food concession. Modern theatres have TVs playing trailers and commercials for shows that I might be interested in. If it's a special night, the fellow patrons have a buzz about them. The food ads are surrounded by enticing lighting with primary colors whetting your appetite. Reminds me of going to McDonalds. Just once I'd love to eat a Big Mac that looked as good as the one in the signage.

As for which theatre offers the best treats. Regal Theatres are the most expensive in all aspects of the game. Their ticket prices are higher, they have less deals as far as matinees and such. And their food prices are expensive even by concession standards. But they are well-stocked. I think you can order 12 different types of fountain drinks, along with two different sized bottles of water. They have pretzel nuggets and regular sized pretzels. Popcorn, nachos, hot dogs and about 20 different types of candy. Many other theatres offer this kind of range, but few actually have them ready to sell. A Regal hot dog might be made with pig anus and cow vagina, but it's fresh anus and vagina. When I order a hot dog at another theatre in Fresh Meadows the wiener looks so old and dry that archaeologists could call it a fossil.

My favorite theatre for snacks is also my Snobby theatre. I feel like an elitist snob when I go here, but I enjoy it so I don't care. The Film Forum on West Houston Street in Greenwich Village shows foreign films and reissues of old classics. The seats are uncomfortable, but I still feel fancy going there. And the food. Oy. Fresh popcorn with real butter, not the monkey sweat that Stephen King called it in the past. Fresh lemonade, several different types of coffee for people who enjoy that. And fresh bakery items. I've had the lemon poppy seed cake, which is tasty and oatmeal raisin cookies. But my favorite is the apple sponge cake.

My brother is always pushing the gun when it comes to getting to places on time and this theatre is no exception. He picks me up way late and has to speed into the city to get a parking spot. We hope there's no line to get in, then wait on line for snacks. We invariably get in our seats after the lights have dimmed and sometimes when the movie has already started. Just once I'd love to get there a little early, be able to find a seat in the center. And enjoy my cake with a fork and some peace. Instead, I'm forced to find a seat in the dark and cradle my food so that I don't spill anything. Eating my cake with fingers because I can't see the plate well enough to use a fork.

I've heard of a theatre on Long Island, out in god's country, Exit 60 something that has a huge concession stand filled with hamburgers, pizza and the like. Sounds wonderful, but I could not go there without having another trip planned as well. Something like a trip to the Splish Splash waterpark tagged on.

The key to going to any concession stand is never go hungry. My weight class teacher often said, never go to the supermarket hungry or you'll buy the store out. The same goes for concessions. Too often I go right from work and skip a meal to make a show. Bad idea. Any money I might have saved on the matinee price, or even better a free ticket (which regular Regal goers often get), will be spent big time at the snack counter. The most I've ever spent on myself is probably $22. Which is not a lot of food. That would be a "value pack" of large pretzel nuggets with cheese and medium soda, $11. A liter bottle of water $4.25. A hot dog, $3.75. And a candy, $3.

My snacks: I love soft pretzels, even corporate, taste-free pretzels. If there are no pretzels, which is often the case I'll settle for nachos and cheese, although mustard makes a nice alternative. The cheese is never real cheese, but a soft orange Crisco-type substance. If I eat this too much, I often get a raging pain in my stomach that engulfs everything from hips to ribs on both sides of my torso. I try not to eat this too much. As a last resort I'll order popcorn, but I have to be real hungry. If I'm with others, they'll order popcorn and they always let me share some of theirs. Almost all theatres have a Coca Cola licensing agreement, so I order a Cherry Coke. I really don't like regular Coke and will drink that only if there's nothing else and I'm really tired. If it's night and I'm trying not to stay up late, I'll order a Sprite/7UP or orange soda, but not Sunkist, that has as much caffeine as cola. National Amusements has a deal with Pepsi, so that's nirvana.

Hot dogs if I'm hungry. National Amusements (N/A) has a deal with Sbarro Pizza and Nathan's, so of course I'll get a Nathan's dog there. Sbarro Pizza is like Pizza Hut left in the sun. They also have cinnamon pretzels, but that has to be one of the worst concoctions ever conceived in this Mallworld. As for candy: Peanut M&Ms, Milk Duds, I'll eat some of Barb's Junior Mints and Twizzlers, I love Starburst, but they pull out my fillings. I used to love Jujyfruits, but it's hard to tell the licorice from the green ones in the dark and the taste of licorice reminds me of the time I licked a Yak's ass. Actually, I try to remember the Yak's ass to replace the horrible feeling of having licorice in my mouth. Raisinettes are another treat, but I have to eat these sparingly, because all those raisins will give me what they call in German "Die Scheisserei." For a candy I will sneak in, always a Cadbury bar if it's been frozen (Fruit and Nut or Caramello).

When I'm being healthy, I'll buy a big bottle of Dasani water, because knowing that it comes from a leaky hose in the back of the Coca Cola plant always makes me think Healthy!

Enjoy!

The Freditor